I'm still alive, I swear....

WOW, its been a while....
Life has been NUTS!!!!! We've moved into our new home (this house is incredible :-D ) about 2 weeks ago, my nanny moved into the suite, and other than that I have had SO MUCH running through my head lately!!! I've been thinking about my friend Meagan, stressing about school (i'm STILL behind since moving :-S ), and I thought I was going to die from the stress of Christmas and New Years. Plus, I had my 16th birthday in November (YAY!!!!), but now I need to find the time to study for my L.... yeehaw.
All of my extra curricular stuff is CRAZY. I have harmony II (crap, I have homework for that...), soccer, basketball, lifeguarding courses, babysitting, I'm mentoring girls on a younger soccer team, plus we're still settling into our new home. GAHH.
I'm really gonna miss our old house though, because that's where I grew up! Those walls have seen all of the memories, the embarrassing moments and the darker secrets, the inside jokes and all the birthday parties.  And my backyard was da bomb. We had a beautiful magnolia tree in the garden that we got from one of my best friends when we were little, and we had fruit trees and a playhouse and SO much space to run around in. We dropped off a manual that we'd forgotten to give them a bit before Christmas, and seeing into the windows and seeing how they'd had set up things was weird... I was kind of mad, because they had put things, in my opinion, in all the wrong places!!!! The most obvious thing, the Christmas tree, was set up in the corner upstairs, between the kitchen and living room.  I thought, how silly!!! you cant even see it from the street very well.  We had always put it in the middle of the front window, so everyone could see it :-)  And as we were driving up the street, I felt so at ease, and was so happy to be back in my neck of the woods! But then I remembered it wasn't mine anymore.  I miss the tall trees, the big yards, even the horribly 60's houses :-P I miss my neighbours, and the lakes behind my house in the park. I dont think I'll ever stop missing it, and I'm so grateful for the time I was able to spend in that home!  A fitting song for my nostalgia is The House That Built Me, by Miranda Lambert.  I'll miss home, it was so good to us :-)

Now we've moving to a subdivision, but if I had to choose a better house or an awesome yard, I'd go with the house every time :-) However, the new house DOES have a theater room in it.... one of its many redeeming qualities ;-P Now we get to make new memories, have even more embarrassing moments, and that many more birthday parties! We cant wait for the memories :-)

Ever since moving day, we've been waiting anxiously for everyone to GO AWAY!!!!!!!!!!!!! We moved in early November, and only now are people visiting less frequently :-S  I sound like a grouch, I know, but you'd be thinkin' the same way if you hadn't had the time to settle in and make your room truly yours. Luckily, I feel much more at home now, and my room is looking more and more like mine everyday :-D And something sad... only one of my friends has been to see the house!!!!!!!!!! I've got to get on that! I feel awful about it...

Lately, I've been questioning my relationship with God.  Am I close to Him? Have I grown in the last year or so? Am I spiritually ready and able to be the student leader at church as I am expected to be?
NO.
My family is feeling the same way mostly - none of us have grown or learned anything in the longest time, no wonder life has been rough.  My youth group feels superficial.  There's too much socializing and nowhere near enough bible studying - we have bible study once a month, if I'm lucky.  And they always seem to be about repentance... thats great and all, but I asked Jesus into my life when I was 11 and God's been happily living in this heart ever since! I need something to help me grow past those baby steps.  My head pastor is GREAT, but he preaches from things he's learned in life and then finds a nice verse, maybe two, to support his findings.  Aren't I supposed to be learning what God wants me to directly from His Word?  A pastor needs to teach what God wrote, and maybe embellish it to hold interest and relate it to our lives, but his or her purpose is certainly not to tell me what he thinks God wants me to hear.  Needless to say, we're looking for a new church.  Its going to be so ridiculously hard, almost all of my friends are at LEFC!! But I know this is a necessary change, and I will accept the challenge willingly. I hope. Also, I've realized that I too have to be held responsible for my lack of involvement with my relationship with God.  I dont study His word daily, and I certainly dont act the way He would want me to all the time!  I'm rude to my sister, occasionally short tempered, disobedient to my mom and dad, and i've been noticing that the music I listen to could make Jesus cry (it probably already has).  These things need to change, and I know that I can further my relationship with Him and reduce my impure actions and thoughts if I put my mind to it. Pun intended. :-) And I know that I need to find someone to keep me accountable.... and grab me a mentor while I'm at it.... God, help me.....

I found a girl from school's flickr page recently, and my mind has officially been blown.  She's my age, but the photos she takes and the things she writes about them all are quite impressive :-) She's inspired me, and I think I've found that new perspective and joy for taking photos. I have to get to know her better!!! hahaha

This is the Beautiful Caitlin signing off, and I promise to not ditch you guys for quite so long next time :-P